OK, I know we’re not supposed to have a favorite month. Every one has its own virtues that make it “special.” But let’s be honest: not all months are created equal. I mean, would you want to be February – some dreary, dark month stuck between the New Year and March... and, to top it off, you’re the shortest in your class? It’s the Peter Lorre of months. And how about August? August used to be something. Now it’s just one long back-to-school sale with thigh-sticking heat that makes you want to cuss.
But October... now, that’s a month. There’s something magical about the air in October. Something that stirs you and gives you hope and makes you want to do great things, or at least talk about doing great things. There’s a bittersweet melancholy in the air. Every tree looks like a firework in suspended animation.
For about 15 years I have had a running tradition with my father- in-law of “calling fall.” It works like this: One morning in late summer, you wake up, walk out on the deck and something in the quality of the air has changed. It doesn’t have to be remarkably cooler, but it smells and feels different. It speaks to you. It makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. We call it the “tangible coolness.” It certainly may get warm again, but you know inside the change has begun.
And all of nature knows it too. The birds start heading south, trees start to turn and squirrels start running around like meth addicts... but that’s just the romantic stuff. There’s also the flies. Bloated and inflated from all that summer eating, they start to sense their time is coming to an end. They’re usually the size of bumble bees at this point and they literally just start bumping into you, throwing their fat little bodies against you, hoping you’ll put them out of their misery. It’s mercy killing, really.
I can see the seasonal change in me as well. Despite all of evolution’s advances and triumphs, when autumn emerges, my body longs to answer the “call of the wild.”
I suddenly want to eat and drink everything in sight, multiple times a day, for weeks on end. I feel like a bear heading into hibernation. My breathing gets heavy and, I swear, even my arm hairs thicken. I wonder if this is what it felt like to be Grizzly Adams.
Of course, not everything about October is magical. Lately, the seasonal change has also brought with it an onslaught of all things pumpkin. Now, you do what you want for your own family but my personal rule is that pumpkin belongs in bread and pie... and that’s where it stops. I don’t need it in my coffee. I don’t want it in candles or lotions. And for Pete’s sake, I sure don’t want it in my beer! Some things are just wrong, people. Beer is supposed to taste like, well, beer. If you want a pumpkin drink, make a smoothie. Otherwise, leave the pumpkin for the headless horseman. That’s someone who legitimately needs a pumpkin.
Like most of America, the one pumpkin we can’t get enough of, of course, is the “Great Pumpkin.” If you’ve never seen the classic Charlie Brown cartoon, it’s about a group of kids on Halloween night who apparently have no parental supervision. They engage in a debaucherous night of trick-or-treating, body shaming and curfew skipping. Also, there’s a spotted beagle in it. It has the pacing of a presidential speech and we love it. My wife and I have forced it on our daughter, who now, at the age of five, can recite the 30-minute show line-for-line. We’re quite proud.
One of the many other things I love about October is the calm between two storms. You’ve survived back-to- school and haven’t yet breached the holiday dam. It’s serene, but I fear, “the times they are a changin’.”
There’s a push to Amer-a-size Halloween. Think about it. Unless you were throwing a party, did you ever decorate for Halloween as a kid? Nowadays, stores animatronic witches and spooky lights. My daughter won’t even go into Lowe’s right now because the seasonal aisle freaks her out.
Did you know Americans spend roughly seven billion dollars on Halloween every year? That’s billion with a “b” – as in “boo.”
And here’s where it gets scary: When I complain about it, I know I’m the old guy – the guy who wants to keep things the way they were before cash came in like a steroid and made Halloween “huge.”
But some things are sacred and don’t need to be Amer-a-sized. Some things are perfect just the way they are. October is a time when summer’s heat fades and cool air signals change. Your thighs can be liberated from each other once again. Grown men can wear fancy overalls that only reach their knees and nobody says anything about it. It’s a time so perfect we actually call it Oktoberfest! It truly is the most wonderful time of the year.
So this year, make the most of the season. Have some friends over. Maybe lift a pint or two and sing some “Great Pumpkin” carols. Just remember to keep it simple. Freaking out is for Christmas. And make sure you keep your pumpkin in your pastries. Because that’s where it belongs.
